Hey there its been a while

so it has been 4 months since i last posted. Blame it on laziness or a lack of something to write about. Il go with laziness but a lot has happened since my last post.

I think I said this early but the reason I started this particular blog was because of ***** and it was basically just to document how I felt about him and such, but since we *ended* I didnt really have to the motivation to keep going on here, but im back now.

If I remember correctly ***** and I stoped talkin sometime in february. It was crazii because we had been inseparable 2 months earlier. I remeber his 2 hour calls every night and the numerous texts during the day. I hadnt spoken to him in 2 months. My church and his are from the same branch and we usually did a mass choir together. A program was coming up which meant are churches were going to get together.. which meant I was gonna have to see him after so long. I was almost not going to go but a friend convinced me too. Anyway as soon as I got there he started talking to me like nothing had happened. As if we had spoken yesterday. I was honestly shocked because I thought it would be akward but suprisingly it wasnt.. We started texting. He would text while we were singing saying how the view looked good from his side-silly stuffs like that.

I started falling for him again. A couple weeks later my best friend sent me a msg saying that some shit had gone down with him and another friend. He said something on fb and one of my friends confronted him on and somehow my best friend got involved and the conversation ended up being about me and how he was sorry for playing me. They sha talked a loooot and im pretty sure it appeared on a lot of people's homepage.. You know facebook now creeper's paradise. He sent a msg to my friend asking her not to say anything to me yet that he wanted to tell me when the time was right. she copied and pasted the msg to me and i was aaaaangry.. I dont know if anyone has ever cut themselved and just wen its healing you accidentally scratch that surface. That sore feeling. Thats how my heart felt.. no exageration.

I texted him the next day telling him that obviously my friend had told me but i wanted to hear his side of the story. We talked later that night on msn and he told me how he and his gf(remeber the perfect girl from before) had a fight and she travelled out of the conuntry and he wanted to get over it, so he started talking to me knowing that I really liked him. He said he was just trying to forget her. He was sorry for playing around with me but he started falling for me a little bit.. Its funny how i always end up with asshole telling me that i changed them and made them really fall for me..

He said he had told his girlfriend and that she didnt blame me for anything, which I didnt believe because she gave me very funny looks at church. When I got to church the next sunday, I completely ignored him, but it was hurting me seeing him and her laughing together, knowing that people probably thought of me as a 'relationship' wrecker when it wasn't even my fault. He came to me after church to appologise face to face and even sent a text asking for forgiveness..

I didnt see him for another 2 months. This time we met at a wedding. As usual I was looking fly because I knew he would be there and I wanted him to know what he had lost. It definatley worked because I hadnt even been there 5 minutes when he started smiling at me and he came to talk to me afterwards. During the reception he came to sit at my table and we were flirting again he asked if he could start texting me again which I agreed to. Call me stupid but I was happy because i thought there was still a chance for us. Apparently he and his gf broke up. The next day I was about to go write on his wall when i saw some posts from her. Being the busy body that i am i went to their wall to wall and from their msgs i could clearly see that they still had feelings for each other.

It does hurt that the one guy i actually really fell for turned out just to be like the others.. Im trying my hardest to get over it, not the kind of getting over that when I see him i start falling again. I think im almost there sha, because I saw him a couple weeks ago, my heart did a little somersault but taht was as far as it went.