Another year almost over

wow I'm so bad at this blogging thing, and imagince i'm thinking of journalism as a carrer. Im going to need to step up my writing game o.

2009 went by unbelievably quickly, i noticed at some point that the days werr just going and i couldn't really slow it down. It got me thinking that I was letting my life go by without nothing to show for it. Now, I am the kind of person that makes plans and more often than not those plans never work out the way I hope. This has really got to me so bad that now, I dont even look forward to things because then I can't be dissapointed. 2009 has also been filled with ups and downs like anything in life really, but it was more downs than ups. A lot of people celebrities and normal everyday ones died. The one that hit close to home was the death of a friend in Nigeria. My brothers and I went to pray in my parents room but she was still on the phone when we got in, and mum has this habit of putting the phone on loudspeaker no matter who she is talking to. The lady she was talking to is a really close family friend and whenever they talk they is always this spark in her voice kinda cliche I know, but that morning she just seemed tired. CLose to the end of the convo, she told my mum that she recieved a text earlier that morning that This kid had died. My heart literally froze for a second. We werent particularly close but he was the sweetest kid I had ever known, no one ever had anything bad to say about him, he was just loved. Apparently he had been having serious headaches and was in the hospital. I just didnt know how to deal with it. I skipped my first class but decided to go in for the rest which was a baaad idea because i just ended up crying all day. It was really horrible and I pray for his family that God will console them, because only him knows why he took such a sweet child. To make it worse he died on his sister's birthday. I dont even know sha

So yeah 2009 has been pretty weird. On the good side I turned 18 but Im still waiting for that sense of maturity to kick in. As for my purpose for this blog in search of tru love, Ive decided that the approach of searching wont work. I just have to wait and be patient and see what happens I guess, because searching is seriously stressing me out.

Being a virgin is soo hard. As in temptation is coming from left right and center but ive made up my mind to waiit til marriage or atleadt till im older and in a meaningful relationship, but marriage will be more rewarding. My husband better appreciate because its not easy o.

After ****** I met another. He was the roomate of my friend's boyfriend. My friend and I went over to visit, this was a couple weeks after the weding and after ***** had once again stopped talking to me out of the blue so i was pretty sore and looking for a fling type thing. So yeah I asked my friend to get one of the guy's from church that I had had an eye on for a while, to come over to her boyfriend's house but it didnt quite work out so i just ended up going with her for the sake of it. I wasn't really looking forward to it because I knew that tehy would disapear to his room to 'talk' but when we got there i was greeted by this fine looking guy. I didnt even think anything of it then. We sha introduced ourselves and got talking then he asked for my number and said we should hang out soon. He was pretty cool but there just want a spark. A couple days later we went to see a movie. It was one of the most akward dates I have ever been on in my life. I got to his house and we missed the bus that would have gotten us to the movie on time so he decided to call a cab. whatever his money. so yeah in the taxi neither of us said a word, well there was the occasional one that we both knew had taken some thinking to come up with. By the time we got to the movie i was thinkin what the hell am I doing on a date with this guy. COnversation had never really been a problem on dates but this one hmmm e got as e beed o. So we got to the movei and he wanted to see somethign scary adn the only scary thing on was final destination in 3d. I flat out refused because i knew that i wouldnt enjoy it no matter how much making out we were going to do. We finally decided to go see ingloriuos basterds. I was feeling bad because he was paying for everything. We got into the theatre and the previews started it was just so damn akward becasue we didnt say a word to each other, but from no where he just randomly held my had. This hand holding went on for majority of the movie but then close to the end, just as randomly as he started holding it, he let it go. And as soon as the movie was over he just walked out. I didnt expect him to hold me or my hand and walk us out the theatre but u did excpect him to walk beside and maybe say something about the movie. anyeay sha we got outside and that when he decided to hold on to my waist and we walked liek this till we got to the bus stop and when we were waiting for the bus he leaned in and kissed me. The kiss wasnt too bad wasnt too good but then he just stopped. I was busy worryin whether i had done soemthing wrong. He just left me hanging like that. We didnt talk after the kiss and people around must have thought we were an odd couple. My bus finally come and i was walking away but remebered i hadnt thanked him so i walk back say thank you and give him a hug, while i was doing this my bus had come and goone. I didnt want to stand there looking like an idiot so i just got on the next bus i saw. I didnt know where the damn thing was headed. I was lost for an hour before I finally found my way to a station i knew and from tehre was able to get home. I decided it wouldnt work out b/w us so i was ready to let it go. But he wasnt he texted me as soon as i got home calling me baby and whatnot. see me see trouble o. The next week, he took a taxi all the way to my church which was a good hour away form where he lived just to see me and the week after that he was traveling and he wanted me to come to the airport with him. He even offered to pay for my taxi money. SOmethign just wasnt feeling right with him. I felt liek he thought that just by throwing money in my face I was fall for him. He sha continuued like this and i began to think he was really sweet for his perciverience and maybe i was the one was being to stubborn. I talked to my friend's boyfriend, his roomate who told me that he was a player. He had sex with atleast one girl on campus every week. and from there the storied i heard about him kept getting worse. during the time when we were 'togther; he tried to get with my friend and i also heard that there was a pic of him naked with some girl on his fone. It just pissed me off and i slowly stopped talking to him and answering his calls. he started beggin me and after we had a loong conversation he asked me to be his girlfriend.. i was like WTF we just had this convo about you being a player and you are now asking me to be your girlfriend? i told him i want ready for a relationship and i just wanted to be friends, you know the drill. He sha kept beggin me and sending me msgs by texts, msn and such. I just simply ignored them. I just heard recently that after he fucked some girl, he texted his friend to come over to get some of her too.. what kind of a guy is that abeg?

I finally decided what my problem is and why i keep ending up with these kinds of guys. As much as i try to convince myself that im ready for a relationship, i dont think i am which is why i keep going for guys that I know will hurt me or guys that I know only want something physical form me. Its a sad reality, but now that I know that it has helped me find my self a bit i guess. because now i know that there is nothing plastered on my head saying play me, but rather its me that wants to get played.. if that makes any sense

anyway this post was out of randomness. I love how im able to just sya how i feel without the fear of being judged. It has been a bit scatter post and tehre are most likely spelling mistakes but its all good.

Hope everyone has a good christmas