The i just feel like posting post

The main reason i started this blog, was to write about how ***** made me feel. i guess iv kinda abandonned it since we are over, But im back. It may seem like im crazy about guys but i have a perfectly good explanation, well it makes perfect sense to me anyway.

I went to an all girls school for a really long time, i would say my developing years were spent at an all girls school, no contact with guys except the ones at church and the occasional ones i saw at the mall and such. Guys became an obsession at some point. I would see a guy and claim that i was in love.. love ke? it was honestly really bad, but when i moved back to nigeria, i was put in a mixed school which did help me. although i did fall for every single guy in my class for a while.. Don't worry there were only six guys. Going to an all girls school still affects me till today as in if my friends had to describe me in one word it probably would be boy crazy. i don't like it though because many people get the wrong impression from that.

I just recently found out that i have an anxiety disorder. I was so happy when i found out, not because i wanted to have it, but because there was a legit reason to why im always feeling the way i do. It good to know that its not just me. This disorder has prevented me from living my life for the past year or two, as in whenever im around a lot of people i freak out, i just go silent and never know what to say, it gets to a point that people think im being snobby, they dont even know that i feel like dying on the inside. ANother thing is that i cannot do presentations, i literally shake and almost pass out.. I have passed out before. Presentations are getting better though. I have to go see a therapist soon and i hope it will work because this is the last shot i have..

i really dont know whats wrong with *****. He thinks he can hop in and out of my life whenever he feels like it. The other day i heard he was asking my friend for my new number.. what for?? I got a message from his on facebook, acting normal, like nothing ever happened. I can't really say he did anything sha apart from the sex thing but i feel like he was just using me at that time when we were together. Theres a girl at his university, iv talked about her before, the one i thought he was going out with, well apparently he asked her out and she said no, and thats when he asked me out.. i later confronted him about him liking her and he denied it, but pictures and wall to walls on facebook gave me another impression. I really have tried to hate the girl, for taking my guys heart but i really can't, shes just soo sweet, you actually cant say anything bad about her.. i have to admit though i was jealous of her for a bit and now i hear that ***** is jugling 6 girls.. 6!! as in i didnt even know what to say about it, i know hes tryna get back in my life but i dont want him to, i dont want to be girl number 7.

wow this post has become about my exes.. speaking of which, i just found out(through facebook) that my ex is hooking up with my ex best friend.. the girl was a devil to me. i couldn't see it then , but i can now. I was young and naive and i did some stupid things with her as a friend. I thought i could trust her but she kept throwing me under the bus every situation she could. I dont know if its because she was jealous of me, although i wouldnt see any reason. she had the body, the looks, the voice, the guys... but i had more money. I dont mean to sound shallow but its true and she always felt the need to make me feel bad about it, that i would hide the fact that my family was wealthy. ANyway my ex just moved to that city and whats pissing me off is that of all the girls there it was her he could find.. and she knows we were together once.. i just dont know why after 4 years shes still trying to prove that she is better than me..

i have made up for my absence jare.. i need to go finish up my work.. blogville will not accept me to university ..

xxx princess J