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Dear *****,
why do you always do this? just when i'm actually getting over you, you find your way back into my life..

I don't yet believe in true love.. so why am i in search of it? because i want to believe that someday il be able to love someone completely, no strings attached and they'l love me back for exactly what i am.. im always falling deepely(not in love, i guess its more of infactuation) for someone.. Once again i find myself in that same position.

I have liked this particular guy, lets call him x for aprox. 5 months now. I dont believe in the whole love at first sight thing, but the first time i saw him, i just knew it was something serious. a few things happened, we stopped talking and slowly but painfully, i started to get over him.. that was until he just randomly texted me last month.. it was like reopening a healing wound, i started falling for him again, just this time it was much more intensly than the first.. i would day dream in class about him, about all the things i wanted to happen.. Once againg he just stopped talking to me. My birthday came and i was soo hopeful that he would call or text or somthing, i checked my email every five minutes hoping to see a message from him.. NAda

It was than that i decided that i was completely over him.. i was just decieving myself because his name still popped up in my head everyday.. whenever my phone rang my heart would beat faster hoping it was him.. As the days went by i realised he wasnt going to call.

i went out with my friends yesterday, had soo much fun, got a bit tipsy did a couple crazy things.. for the first time in a really long time i had forgotten about him.. went to sleep quite late and was woken up by a text on my fone, when i read it, my heart literally stopped for a couple seconds.. i actually had to put the phone down.. it was him-sorry i missed your birthday, hope its not too late, happy birthday........ i didnt know what to do, i just calmly dropped the fone on the floor and went back to sleep.. i later replied and we talked for a while, one thing hes really good at doing is avoiding the fact that i like him, and i know that he knows.. once again he just stopped repling.. its killing me because im trying not to let him back into my life but its soo hard.. his, is the closest thing iv felt to love.. someone i can see myself spending the rest of my life with.. and trust me im the most scared of comitment.. its scaring me because i don't know of i can fully get over him. hes turning me into what i don't want to become- a clingy girl..

its seems like the guys am crazy about arent interested and those that am, well not crazy about are the ones that notice me.. Lets call this 2nd guy Y. i went out with him during the christmas hols last year.. we went to see a movie.. his choice of movie was a bit suprising at first but i understood after the movie.. he wanted me to be scared so i would lean into him and all that crap, well it worked... funny thing is i was crazy about him until i actually went out with him.. its not liek he did anything crazy that turned me off, no, it was.. well it was teh way he chewd his popcorn.. silly right? i have this thing about people making sounds when they eat and well unfortuanatly for him, hes chewing of popcorn wasnt up to princess J's standard.. its such a stupid reason but thats what it is.. anyway he started getiing really clingly, calling me everyday, texting me, instant messagin. it was getting to much.. i sometimes like to be the one chasing the guy not that hes throwing himself at me.. i started to distance myself from him, stopped answwering his calls and i guess he finally got the message..

He called tonite and i have to admit iwas really happy. he was still dropping subtle hints that he like me, but the conversation was pretty normal and comforting considering the fact that i was pretty pissed off...

i know he likes me and i think i like him too, but then i also like X and they are both frends.. I have this obsesion about guys who can sing.. i have this weird fantasy that when me and my boyfy or husband argue he'l sing his way back into my heart.. cheesy i know, but yeah thats my fantasy.. both of them can sing though i havent heard X full out... i guess i cant have my cake and eat it....